Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The challenging relationship called 'Friends'

So, I've wanted to talk about this subject for a couple of weeks, but honestly I still don't know exactly what I want to say. I was having a conversation with a friend about not having any friends. And it struck me so odd. Why is it that most women think they have no friends? Is our definition of friend incorrect? Are we expecting too much from the women in our lives? Are the women in our lives so needy that we are their friend, but would never consider them to be our friend?

So, I looked up the word friend. Here's what Webster has to say:
1 a
: one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion

Hmmm, I probably would not have defined friend like this. I would have said someone you can confide in, someone who knows you intimately, someone who's got your back in a time of crisis. None of this sounds like the definition above. This is a confidant, a family member, a spouse or...oh here it comes, wait for it....GOD.

Maybe, just maybe, we are seeking people to fill a void in our lives that is not for them to fill. Maybe, we have lots of friends, a few confidants and one true God who is always for us. Maybe all the whining and complaining about not having any friends to our friends should be a wake up call for adjusting our expectations and realigning ourselves with the one true friend, Jesus.

What's your definition of friend?


  1. you are so wise for such a young woman.
    when i was your age, i had one 'friend' tell
    me that i had to choose between her and
    another friend. :)

    i said that if she was forcing me to choose,
    i could not choose her.

    thankfully, we are still friends, and she has
    never brought up that painful incident.

    "there is a friend who sticks closer than a

  2. I found your blog through the comment you left on Missy's blog (It's Almost Naptime).

    We, too, are a foster to adopt family (in NC). We adopted our son, Daniel, this past December after 18 grueling months of holding our breath...and begging God... that the judges would make wise choices regarding his life.

    We are waiting for another foster placement, or possibly being matched with an older legally free child.

    Our family blog is

    Keep blogging! You are a great writer!

  3. Wow! That's a great point..."maybe we are seeking people to fill a void in our lives that is not theirs to fill..." Also, I had no idea that "whining to friends about not having friends" was common across the gender. I found your blog on Trena's blog. We are childhood friends.

  4. If if my husband had a nickle for how many times I have whined about not having friends, this adoption would be funded!

    Hey, would love to email you and talk about your CPS experience! Some time when you have a minute.

    missydoll @

  5. Yay for comments! It's so great to meet all of you!