Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Fear, Fight and Fostering

Disclaimer: Mom (and other family members) Nothing new has happened...I'm just now blogging about everything you already know. Love you!

I've experienced more fear in the last 14 months than I have EVER experienced in my LIFE! You know the "sick" meter they have posted on hospital walls for your pain level? 0-1 No Pain, 2-3 Mild Pain- all the way to 10 Unbearable pain.

If there were a fear meter I'm sure I would have ranked between 5-Discomforting Fear to 10-Unbearable Fear 90% of the last year. When we signed up for fostering to adopt I had NO idea the amount of fear I would go through.

This fear for me hasn't been a lesson in faith, rather a lesson in fight. I haven't experienced an over abundance of fear in my life, because I run from scenarios that aren't a "sure thing." I choose friends who I'm confident will not hurt me. I take jobs that I can over-achieve at. I set expectations low, so when I am disappointed...well, "I knew that was going to happen anyway because, I live in the real world." Unfortunately, my realistic personality hasn't taught me to fight for much.

Throw a sweet baby girl into the mix with parents who are unable to take care of her, family members who can't decide what they want and a broken system filled with red tape and I have suddenly found myself in the RISKIEST situation of all - the possibility that I might lose the most amazing 2 1/2 foot tall human being on the planet. And folks....I'm just not going to let that happen. Nope. God ordained her life to be a part of ours forever - He has confirmed it too many times for me to doubt Him.

So, satan...get your boxing gloves ready, 'cause you've got a fight on your hands.