Today

Today, I am a daughter, sister, wife, mama, co-worker, pastor and friend.  Today I will make dinner, put my daughter to bed and kiss my husband good night.  Today will not be much different than yesterday or tomorrow.  Today, I am cancer free. Today.

2 years ago today, I had a very tiny, vulnerable, 6 week old baby girl in my home that I was afraid to love.   2 years ago today I had only shared with a handful of people that I was even having surgery.  2 years ago today, I had a total thyroidectomy to remove the cancer. 2 years ago today.

I'm not a very dramatic person, and this post may seem a little sensationalized.  But, unfortunately my reality 2 years ago today WAS dramatic.  It was scary and overwhelming and I thought the best way to handle it was to act as if everything was routine and normal.  Cancer is not routine or normal.  Adoption is not routine or normal. 

If I had known what my reality would become 2 years later, would I have been less scared or overwhelmed?  Probably not.  But, I have been given the benefit of today.  A routine, normal day with the most amazing husband and precious daughter. 

Today I'm grateful for life.  Today.

Silence = Exhaustion

Hello blog world! 

I know, I know, it's been a long time.  Too long in fact, because I'm certain the 1 1/2 readers I have (had) have long given up on me and moved on to much more interesting blogs, or at the very least someone who actually POSTS on their blog.  Imagine that, someone who actually posts on their blog!  Overachievers.

My silence really is due to my shear exhaustion.  After returning from Africa, our lives seem to be moving at super sonic speed. Here are the highlights in picture form, because frankly it's easier, and I don't have to be as witty. :)

Lucy started "school" aka Mother's Day Out.  She absolutely LOVES it!

Lucy was dressed appropriately as a Bee for Halloween.

Lucy also, has suddenly developed a 'hate' relationship with the camera.  I can't believe the school even got this shot!

Lucy turned 2 and we had a super small, stress-free party. Best.decision.ever.

Merry Christmas from the Mosleys!

Merry Bright Greeting Holiday

Shutterfly always has unique designs for our holiday cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Highlights from my trip to Africa Part 1

Sorry this post is missing pictures...I could blame it on the fact tht I'm in a third world country, but the reality is that I'm exhausted and not feeling that creative. So here goes.


1. The flight from DC to Zurich should have been advertised as a roller coaster ride.
2. Swiss Air wins the award for best airplane food. 
3. Radio in Kenya takes me back to 8th grade. WTFM 98.5 "Nothing's gonna change my love for you..."
4. Can't reconcile the billboards for 3d televisions and the fact that I can't use the water to brush my teeth.
5. It's really dark at night and Kenyans walk everywhere. It's kinda scary. You can't see them.
6. Deodorant is still not accepted worldwide. Why???
7. Be assured that every sweater vest you have ever donated to missions is still being worn.
8. Thank the Lord for the always stylish pony tail.

Stay tuned for part 2.

Stationery Card

Celebration Banner Pink Birthday Invitation

Graduation invitations and announcements by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

A Long Time Coming

I have waited a LONG time for this, so please excuse me while I post a few of my favorite pictures of  

Miss Lucy Bea Mosley.

The very first day we met her.  4 days old.

I'm a Rock Star!

 

She has a psychedelic halo!

Sweet, Lucy Bear.

Lucy's First Birthday!

I can see you!

Cheesin' for the camera.

Child Abuse Prevention Guest Blog

Check out my guest post over at Foster 2 Forever.

Fear, Fight and Fostering

Disclaimer: Mom (and other family members) Nothing new has happened...I'm just now blogging about everything you already know. Love you!

I've experienced more fear in the last 14 months than I have EVER experienced in my LIFE! You know the "sick" meter they have posted on hospital walls for your pain level? 0-1 No Pain, 2-3 Mild Pain- all the way to 10 Unbearable pain.



If there were a fear meter I'm sure I would have ranked between 5-Discomforting Fear to 10-Unbearable Fear 90% of the last year. When we signed up for fostering to adopt I had NO idea the amount of fear I would go through.

This fear for me hasn't been a lesson in faith, rather a lesson in fight. I haven't experienced an over abundance of fear in my life, because I run from scenarios that aren't a "sure thing." I choose friends who I'm confident will not hurt me. I take jobs that I can over-achieve at. I set expectations low, so when I am disappointed...well, "I knew that was going to happen anyway because, I live in the real world." Unfortunately, my realistic personality hasn't taught me to fight for much.

Throw a sweet baby girl into the mix with parents who are unable to take care of her, family members who can't decide what they want and a broken system filled with red tape and I have suddenly found myself in the RISKIEST situation of all - the possibility that I might lose the most amazing 2 1/2 foot tall human being on the planet. And folks....I'm just not going to let that happen. Nope. God ordained her life to be a part of ours forever - He has confirmed it too many times for me to doubt Him.

So, satan...get your boxing gloves ready, 'cause you've got a fight on your hands.

Knowing and being Known

It seems that the holiday season always brings up memories (good and bad) of Christmases past. While decorating our tree I hung a painted sand dollar ornament that my dad gave to me the year after my parents separated. Surprisingly enough, I have fond memories of that Christmas. You see, my dad bought gifts for me, all by himself....and he got me all the things I loved. A puzzle, a book, a 'cat themed' ornament, and other stuff,I don't remember (I am no longer into cats...if anyone cares). I remember feeling known...and isn't that what we want when we receive a gift? We want the giver to know us. We don't want a sweater our grandmother would wear or a strange statue of Santa Clause.

I like to shop with this same attitude. And if I don't really know you, you're getting a gift card (sorry to spoil the surprise). I want my gift to say, "I know you," or "I like you enough to get you a gift card." I take the pressure off myself and you're not stuck trying to return an awful sweater. It's a win win!

Seriously, it's nice to look back at an awkward Christmas with a smile. Thanks dad, for knowing me.

So much to be thankful for...

One year ago today, we drove our little princessa home from the hospital. I'm pretty sure about 10 minutes after we got home, I sent Adam to the pharmacy for her iron and vitamins and then proceeded to call my friend Amber and cry. "What were we doing?" "This is not a sure thing." "What if her mom decides to get her stuff together and we lose her?" Suddenly, having this little baby in our house was reality and ALL my fears came to the surface.

I don't remember what else happened that evening. We obviously fed her, changed her diaper and probably stared at her incessantly...wait that sounds just like today! :) What an amazing year you have given us Lucy Bear. We love you!!

Lucy's First Birthday!

Sorry....still no pics of Lucy...but I had to share some pics of the decorations and party! We had a "woodland" theme.


The stuffed owl was my one splurge item!


Granny came in August and helped make our Birthday Banner with her cricut.



I got these adorable favor boxes from Memorable Favors and put bird seed inside.



And of course the cake from Frosted.

We had a great time and hopefully next year you'll actually get to see a pic of the star of the show

Realities of Foster Care

With the impending visit from Lucy's social worker tomorrow, I was prompted to relay one really harsh reality of fostering - APPOINTMENTS. Not once a month, no, not twice a month....but practically every week and sometimes twice a week we have an appointment with someone, simply because Lucy is in foster care. I have become a regular social secretary.

Lucy has had 7 appointments in the last 6 weeks, and has 4 more in the next 2 weeks. I appreciate that the court believes that these kids need multiple advocates to ensure they don't get lost in the system. I appreciate that Lucy is eligible for WIC and I don't have to buy formula. I appreciate that Lucy has health care that is paid for by the state. But all of these state run agencies are required to see my child WAY more often than necessary! Remember the dentist appointment? I still need to call and schedule her one year check up. yay.

Guest Blogger

Hey everyone!

Check out my guest blog today at http://foster2forever.blogspot.com/

Can you believe it?!? Me either!

Saying Yes

Throughout our marriage Adam and I have generally been quick to say yes to the direction we feel like we're being led. It helps when the first major decision you make as a couple is to move away from home to help with a church plant. (We had been married about a minute and were the ripe old age of 20.)

And so, we set the course for our marriage. We are getting ready to embark on our 12th move in 13 years, we once owned a conversion van...with no kids, we started an adoption process to only watch it end in failure, we are now in the middle of an open CPS adoption and we're ready for a call to take 2 or 3 more. This by no means makes us some special breed of human....really you could surmise from these few facts that we're young and naive. It truly is God's grace and mercy that has made each crazy decision we've made work out. And I'll even say He gave us these crazy ideas. We've said no enough times to know that yes is much less scary.

How did we end up here?!?!

Lucy is quickly approaching her 1st birthday and of course I have been planning this birthday extravaganza since JUNE! What can I say? She's our first. Today, I was working on the guest list...dear Lord, help us all, there were 60 people on it! 60!!! I'm going to need everyone to bring their own cupcake and ice cream to afford this shindig!

Anyway...I digress. 8 people on this guest list are Lucy's biological relatives....holy cow, how did we end up here?!?! 9 months ago, when we received the call about this sweet baby girl in the NICU, if someone had told me this was going to be an OPEN adoption, I would have said, um thanks, but no. (Open meaning you meet the family members, closed meaning well...you don't :) ) Through a crazy series of events Lucy will now have relationship with her Uncle, Aunt, 5 cousins and SISTER! While, I'm still apprehensive (and will be until the judge signs the papers and says she's ours) we've ended up right here in the middle of God's amazing, mysterious plan. I'm so thankful.

The challenging relationship called 'Friends'

So, I've wanted to talk about this subject for a couple of weeks, but honestly I still don't know exactly what I want to say. I was having a conversation with a friend about not having any friends. And it struck me so odd. Why is it that most women think they have no friends? Is our definition of friend incorrect? Are we expecting too much from the women in our lives? Are the women in our lives so needy that we are their friend, but would never consider them to be our friend?

So, I looked up the word friend. Here's what Webster has to say:
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion

Hmmm, I probably would not have defined friend like this. I would have said someone you can confide in, someone who knows you intimately, someone who's got your back in a time of crisis. None of this sounds like the definition above. This is a confidant, a family member, a spouse or...oh here it comes, wait for it....GOD.

Maybe, just maybe, we are seeking people to fill a void in our lives that is not for them to fill. Maybe, we have lots of friends, a few confidants and one true God who is always for us. Maybe all the whining and complaining about not having any friends to our friends should be a wake up call for adjusting our expectations and realigning ourselves with the one true friend, Jesus.

What's your definition of friend?

Urgently Pleading

This post is actually a couple of weeks old now...just deciding to actually hit the publish button.


Our pastor spoke on serving the poor this past Sunday and referenced the text 2 Corinthians 8, where Paul refers to the extreme poverty of the Macedonians yet "they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints." 2 Corinthians 8:4 NIV

This got me to thinking...."Do I urgently plead for the ANYTHING? Much less the poor?" So, I compiled a list of things I urgently plead for:

1. The guy in front of me on the freeway to go faster, or get out of my way!
2. For Lucy to go to bed, so I can be lazy and do what I want to do.
3. With myself to quit being so lazy and actually keep some semblance of a clean house.
4. Lucy to be with our family forever.
5. For each kid that comes through our children's ministry to know Christ before leaving us for Junior High.

Hmmm...I had 4 ME items before I ever got to urgently pleading for someone else....scary. Honestly, I don't want to work that hard. I don't want to be passionate about something, because then God might require some sort of action from me. It's WAY easier to be lazy, focus on myself and eat all the chocolate chip cookies I want. However, the payoff for laziness, self focus and self indulgence is well...myself. What a rotten payoff. Don't get me wrong the reason for doing what God asks isn't to 'get' something in return. But, I know from personal experience that God's reward is so much greater than the sacrifice and a heck of a lot better than anything I could do for myself.

So, what DO I want to urgently plead for? Yep, you got it....another list:

1. The Widow- I've been thinking about the 'widow' in James 1:27. Many Christian agencies use this as their "ministry verse,' in serving the orphan. But, what about the Widow? It's WAY easier to take home a cute little baby than to open your home to a divorced or elderly person who has been abandoned.
2. My 'kids.' All the kiddos I get to spend Sunday morning with. Not only do I want to plead for their salvation, but for joy and perseverance. I want them to know the vast love of the Father for them and really...they can get through ANY circumstance with Him.
3. Foster Children- This one was hard for me to articulate. While I am passionate about orphans and know that Adam and I will probably adopt internationally one day, I want to plead for foster kids. I want them to know the love of a family, to know acceptance and be protected from the insecurities that come from their circumstances.

I think that's a good start....I know this list will continue to grow....if I'm willing to step out and ask...the couch is still so tempting. :)

The Dentist

So, today, Lucy went to her first dentist appointment, at the ripe old age of 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days old. Yep....we went to see the dentist. In case your wondering...she has NO teeth. Not one. However, in the state's infinite wisdom, all children on their health plan are required to see the dentist at 6 months old and every 6 months thereafter. It took me more time to take her in and out of the van, than actual face time with the dentist.

Rest easy folks, Lucy's soft palette looks great.

Nothing to Say

Didn't mom always tell us "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all?" I guess it's not really that I haven't had anything nice to say, it's more I haven't had anything positive to say.

So, after reflecting on the past CrAzY month, here are the positive things that happened:

1. I can no longer grind my teeth, because they are missing. Yep, major oral surgery will do that...take your teeth. No, I'm not missing ALL my teeth, just the three that I was very fond of grinding in my sleep. Who knew God was sneaky like that? Taking the teeth that I was taking my stress out on, so I would have to turn it over to Him...sneaky, I tell you.

2. We still have the most wonderful, amazing pleasure of raising Lucy. Court was well...not positive. Not negative...but just a new realization that Lucy is not "ours" and her fate really does lie in the hands of ONE judge. But, she's living with us right now. No person or fear can not take that away from us.

3. I'm one payment away from paying off my surgery from December. The Lord has totally provided...just in time for the new round of bills...ooops, that wasn't positive. But, I am SO very thankful to not be paying 2 of everything.

4. Last, but not least, I have the most amazing friends and family. Seriously....I lost count of the number of different soups that came home from the church with Adam and all the flowers, cards and phone calls (thanks Adam...for fielding those. I couldn't talk the first week.) I felt so loved. And in case you're wondering...I have THE best husband on the planet!

So, there...the positive. Think about your positive...your list of negative's will pale in comparison.